Thursday, 23 March 2017 / Anxiety, Health, Thoughts
The Background Behind The Poem 'My Anxiety'
This is something a bit new but I wanted to go into a bit more depth about a recent poem that I posted on this blog. If you haven't read it, it is called 'My Anxiety' and you can read it here.
I am not quite sure where to begin really. It is a little bit hard for me to write this because I know I won't be able to put everything onto paper. But I will get to the point. Right.
I started feeling very sick about April 2016, so not that long ago. It was the day before my birthday and I was revising every day for my GCSEs. I had been on holiday for the week and it was the last day before we went home. We were sat in the restaurant, where I had the most lovely meal, when I felt very very hot. I didn't know what was happening, so I went to the loo. I breathed for a bit and then thought it would be okay. I still felt a bit sick but I thought it was a phase. I went back to the table and 5 minutes later I felt very hot and sick again, so I went outside for some air. Again, I felt okay to go back in, where I denied pudding (not something that usually happens!). Then it happened again, but worse. I ran outside, where I thought I was going to throw up, but I didn't. I sat down and I cried because I had no idea what was happening. I felt so horrible and tense and hot and sick and I thought I was going to die. We left quickly and drove back to our holiday cottage, where I went to bed and then woke up the next day, feeling fine. I don't think I have told very many people about this, if anyone other than my family. I cannot remember exactly though.
I then felt very sick quite a few times, where I would be lying in bed and suddenly get very hot, or sat watching TV and have to go and have a glass of water and calm down. I just didn't know what was happening.
I hadn't been educated in mental health problems, so this wasn't something I had thought about really. I thought it was an infection or something. But after the summer, about 7 months later, I went to the doctor, after it calmed down for a bit but getting worse again when I restarted college. I then reflected on how I had been feeling and did a bit of research. I pinpointed anxiety, as it seemed to include quite a few things that I had experienced in the symptoms.
I told my mum what I thought it was a couple of days later. She said she had thought about it too and agreed of me. We said we would see how it went and then maybe look at college counselling if necessary. I haven't been to the counsellor as I don't think I need them at the moment, but it is a bit of a waiting game, to be honest.
I haven't been formally diagnosed, but after researching a lot, I am certain this is it. Stress is the main cause of it all and as I am coming up to doing my exams, I am expecting it to get worse again. However, my friends know and are able to support me, which I am ever-grateful for.
This is just a bit of what happens in my head everyday, but I have only ever told a handful of my friends all of what is on this post. But it needs to be recognised more. We need to be educated in this. One in six people have experienced a mental health problem in the past week. One in four people have a mental health problem. It needs to be recognised and time and money need to be spent on it.
I am not quite sure where to begin really. It is a little bit hard for me to write this because I know I won't be able to put everything onto paper. But I will get to the point. Right.
I started feeling very sick about April 2016, so not that long ago. It was the day before my birthday and I was revising every day for my GCSEs. I had been on holiday for the week and it was the last day before we went home. We were sat in the restaurant, where I had the most lovely meal, when I felt very very hot. I didn't know what was happening, so I went to the loo. I breathed for a bit and then thought it would be okay. I still felt a bit sick but I thought it was a phase. I went back to the table and 5 minutes later I felt very hot and sick again, so I went outside for some air. Again, I felt okay to go back in, where I denied pudding (not something that usually happens!). Then it happened again, but worse. I ran outside, where I thought I was going to throw up, but I didn't. I sat down and I cried because I had no idea what was happening. I felt so horrible and tense and hot and sick and I thought I was going to die. We left quickly and drove back to our holiday cottage, where I went to bed and then woke up the next day, feeling fine. I don't think I have told very many people about this, if anyone other than my family. I cannot remember exactly though.
I then felt very sick quite a few times, where I would be lying in bed and suddenly get very hot, or sat watching TV and have to go and have a glass of water and calm down. I just didn't know what was happening.
I hadn't been educated in mental health problems, so this wasn't something I had thought about really. I thought it was an infection or something. But after the summer, about 7 months later, I went to the doctor, after it calmed down for a bit but getting worse again when I restarted college. I then reflected on how I had been feeling and did a bit of research. I pinpointed anxiety, as it seemed to include quite a few things that I had experienced in the symptoms.
I told my mum what I thought it was a couple of days later. She said she had thought about it too and agreed of me. We said we would see how it went and then maybe look at college counselling if necessary. I haven't been to the counsellor as I don't think I need them at the moment, but it is a bit of a waiting game, to be honest.
I haven't been formally diagnosed, but after researching a lot, I am certain this is it. Stress is the main cause of it all and as I am coming up to doing my exams, I am expecting it to get worse again. However, my friends know and are able to support me, which I am ever-grateful for.
This is just a bit of what happens in my head everyday, but I have only ever told a handful of my friends all of what is on this post. But it needs to be recognised more. We need to be educated in this. One in six people have experienced a mental health problem in the past week. One in four people have a mental health problem. It needs to be recognised and time and money need to be spent on it.
Wednesday, 8 March 2017 / Health, Poems, Wednesday
My Anxiety//A Poem
This thing that covers me,
blinds me, hurts inside
Makes me feel unwelcome,
Like my hands are tied.
My tummy starts to hurt,
My hands begin to sweat,
My head goes all foggy,
My end has been met.
Breath in for 4,
Hold it for 6,
Breathe out for 8
On that, I do transfix.
This is something looked down
On by so many in society,
This is what I live with.
My anxiety.
--
Disclaimer: My life isn't bad. My mental health is not as bad as lots and lots of people and I accept that. This poem does not include all of the symptoms that I get from anxiety, but it just gives you a bit of an insight into it. I have not been diagnosed by a doctor, but my mum and I have researched this a lot.
blinds me, hurts inside
Makes me feel unwelcome,
Like my hands are tied.
My tummy starts to hurt,
My hands begin to sweat,
My head goes all foggy,
My end has been met.
Breath in for 4,
Hold it for 6,
Breathe out for 8
On that, I do transfix.
This is something looked down
On by so many in society,
This is what I live with.
My anxiety.
--
Disclaimer: My life isn't bad. My mental health is not as bad as lots and lots of people and I accept that. This poem does not include all of the symptoms that I get from anxiety, but it just gives you a bit of an insight into it. I have not been diagnosed by a doctor, but my mum and I have researched this a lot.
Sunday, 5 March 2017 / Favourites, Monthly, Sum-up, Sunday
February Sum-Up
Hola, yo soy Katie y yo hablo Ingles!
I'll talk a bit more about that in a bit, but here is my February in a nutshell for you!
I am sorry it is a little bit late!
Favourite Part?
Usually, February is one of those months that aren't particularly amazing, for one reason or another, but this year has upped its game and it has actually been really enjoyable. The beginning wasn't great. My photos are full of whiteboard photos with law notes on and timetables for my recitals. However, I then spent the afternoon with one of my best friends doing a bit of shopping and going to the ice cream and waffle parlour. I wasn't planning to spend my day doing that but it was such a nice afternoon and I am so glad I did it.
I then spent Valentines Day with my friends and it was the most beautiful night. We went to Nandos and then went to a light show where our new shopping and food centre has been opened. The lights were the prettiest thing ever and I got some really lovely photos there. It made me very happy to have such good friends. Who needs boys anyway?
Lastly, I went on holiday with my family to the Lake District, which was rainy but also lovely. I gave me a chance to refresh myself for the busy half term in front of me. I was able to bring myself back to where I needed to be and have a chance to rest. It was lovely, apart from Storm Doris hitting us in the last couple of days!
Books I Have Read?
I have only read one book this month, which was the Adele biography by Sean Smith, which was such a good read! I wrote about it a little bit on my last post!
Favourite Music?
Running up to me seeing Dodie in concert, I have listened to quite a lot of her, along with Adele, obviously. I have been listening to a lot more of Spotify's own playlists, which are so good for every mood I am in! Also, seeing as this is being posted on the 5th March, I will just include Lorde's new song, Ed Sheeran's new album and my personal favourite, Sarah Close's new single, which I have been excited about for a long time!
Something I Have Learned?
Green tea with jasmine is very nice and also quite photogenic when put it a glass jar with a pretty straw! (This photo doesn't do it justice!)
Favourite TV?
I'm going to do a whole post on my favourite TV shows at the moment, but of course, it has to be This Morning. I love to catch up with the day's episode when I come home from college and I am doing work!
What is happening in March?
Work, of course, is taking priority, with a few deadlines coming, but also quite a few concerts, both watching and being in them and getting ready for my birthday in April!
Anything else?
I was honoured by the presence of Eamonn Holmes joining my Twitter community the other day, which excited me a lot! Also, I started learning Spanish, which is why I mentioned it earlier! I love it a lot, it feels refreshing to not have the pressure of having to sit in a class and learn certain things, I can do a course on Duolingo and learn what I want when I want, without the homework!
I'll talk a bit more about that in a bit, but here is my February in a nutshell for you!
I am sorry it is a little bit late!
Favourite Part?
Usually, February is one of those months that aren't particularly amazing, for one reason or another, but this year has upped its game and it has actually been really enjoyable. The beginning wasn't great. My photos are full of whiteboard photos with law notes on and timetables for my recitals. However, I then spent the afternoon with one of my best friends doing a bit of shopping and going to the ice cream and waffle parlour. I wasn't planning to spend my day doing that but it was such a nice afternoon and I am so glad I did it.
I then spent Valentines Day with my friends and it was the most beautiful night. We went to Nandos and then went to a light show where our new shopping and food centre has been opened. The lights were the prettiest thing ever and I got some really lovely photos there. It made me very happy to have such good friends. Who needs boys anyway?
Lastly, I went on holiday with my family to the Lake District, which was rainy but also lovely. I gave me a chance to refresh myself for the busy half term in front of me. I was able to bring myself back to where I needed to be and have a chance to rest. It was lovely, apart from Storm Doris hitting us in the last couple of days!
Books I Have Read?
I have only read one book this month, which was the Adele biography by Sean Smith, which was such a good read! I wrote about it a little bit on my last post!
Favourite Music?
Running up to me seeing Dodie in concert, I have listened to quite a lot of her, along with Adele, obviously. I have been listening to a lot more of Spotify's own playlists, which are so good for every mood I am in! Also, seeing as this is being posted on the 5th March, I will just include Lorde's new song, Ed Sheeran's new album and my personal favourite, Sarah Close's new single, which I have been excited about for a long time!
Something I Have Learned?
Green tea with jasmine is very nice and also quite photogenic when put it a glass jar with a pretty straw! (This photo doesn't do it justice!)
Favourite TV?
I'm going to do a whole post on my favourite TV shows at the moment, but of course, it has to be This Morning. I love to catch up with the day's episode when I come home from college and I am doing work!
What is happening in March?
Work, of course, is taking priority, with a few deadlines coming, but also quite a few concerts, both watching and being in them and getting ready for my birthday in April!
Anything else?
I was honoured by the presence of Eamonn Holmes joining my Twitter community the other day, which excited me a lot! Also, I started learning Spanish, which is why I mentioned it earlier! I love it a lot, it feels refreshing to not have the pressure of having to sit in a class and learn certain things, I can do a course on Duolingo and learn what I want when I want, without the homework!
I am sat in the middle of a storm in the Lake District on a 'half-term holiday' relaxing and spending time finding my feet and myself again, drinking a cup of, what was meant to be chamomile tea, but I think it has gained some other flavours from the PG tips variety box it has been sat it. I thought I would just reflect on a couple of things, basically writing my thoughts out on a piece of paper and most likely, publishing it.
I finished my first book of the year this week. It was the Sean Smith biography of Adele, something that I wouldn't usually read, gifted to me by the lovely Jemima, and I must say, her book choice has not failed, as usual. I absolutely loved it and I am so happy I was given it because now I am even more looking forward to seeing her again in one of her final '25' tour concerts in Wembley at the start of July. I went to one of her concerts in March 2016 and it was the most incredible night ever, so I have high hopes for this year.
Also, It has been just over a year (a year and a couple of days) since me and my friends went on the year 11 French trip to Nice. It was one of the best 5 days of my life and seeing all of the photos again a year later have made me realise how amazing the time I had out there was. Below are a few of the many photos I took during my time out there, a trip I will not forget in a while!
Whilst I have been here in Cumbria, I went to a really lovely little tea shop and took a few photos. The hot chocolates were amazing and they sold lots of knick-knacks that you know you don't need but you really do because they lighten up the room so much and make it so much more homely.
Also, I love Meryl Streep a lot. That is all.
Sunday, 12 February 2017 / Favourites, Songs, Sunday
5 Songs You Need To Hear
I know I am not the only person who loves listening to music. Whatever mood I am in, listening to music will always cheer me up at little bit, unless it is sad music, which then means I empty my emotions and then feel a lot better. Here are my top 5 songs that I love to listen to. Some of them are relatable and some are just so damn pretty.
This song isn't only Spotify or Apple Music. It is only on Dodie's YouTube channel and I listen to it again and again but it is relatable in many senses but also just such a beautiful song. I am going to see Dodie live in concert in March and I hope she plays this song because I will cry and cry and cry. I promise you that you will not regret listening to this song.
This song has been around for a few years now, but I rediscovered it a while back and it is SO SASSY! It is just the best party song, for when you are in the best mood. It is one of those songs that when you walk down the street with your headphones in and this comes on, you walk a little taller and smile a little more because it is so sassy and cool (even though I am not cool, it is nice to feel it).
I went to see La La Land a couple of weeks back and when this song came on at the beginning of the film, I burst into tears. It is just so happy and I was just so overwhelmed (in a good way) that my emotions just poured out. It is so colourful and exciting and it is such a good song to wake up with.
Play this on a sunny day and your mood will go from 1 to 100, I assure you.
Play this on a sunny day and your mood will go from 1 to 100, I assure you.
This was on Adele's 1st album, 19 and personally, it is one of my favourites. After a break-up in November, this song was just so relatable and caring in a way that wasn't upsetting, if that makes any sense. It is hard to find songs that are relatable for the person who breaks up with their partner. Many many many songs are about the person who has had their heart shredded when someone broke up with them, so finding songs that I can relate to is so nice. Another one that I can relate to in many ways in Somebody Else by The 1975.
This is my personal favourite out of all of these songs and has been in my head for days. It is the most beautiful song and although it is a break-up song that I can't personally relate to in the sense that she is singing it, little parts of it do hit home in many senses. Go. And. Listen. To. This. Song. It. Is. Amazing. Also, Dodie did a cover of this which is so beautiful
Wednesday, 8 February 2017 / Clothes, Wednesday
Me and My Clothes
Two blogs that I follow (Another Ranting Reader and The Cardiff Cwtch) recently did this and Nia from A Cardiff Cwtch made it up, I believe (I might be wrong), so I thought I would do it! It seems like such a cool set of questions, so let's go!
What’s your go-to “I don’t have anything to wear!” outfit?
Literally what I wear every single day of my life, jeans and a jumper. I seem to have built up a rotation of about 5 different jumpers and jean combinations, which is probably a bad thing, to be
honest!
honest!
What’s the newest item hanging in your wardrobe?
I just bought a new jumper and stripy t-shirt from Primark and I love them quite a lot!
What do you do with clothes you don’t wear anymore?
Generally, i either give them to charity or to my sister, but my sister doesn't usually like my fashion sense so mainly charity but also my mum because we are the same size.
What’s your “Netflix and Chill” outfit?
I am going to take this literally and go with either pyjamas or a big hoody, jeans and fluffy socks.
What is your favourite item of clothing?
I used to have a bright orange dress which would be my go-to dress for any occasion. I suited it well (in my opinion) but not I have grown a bit, I don't fit it as well and it isn't very flattering which is such a shame so I am going to have to find another staple dress which looked as good on me!
What do you wear to bed?
Pyjamas, of course! My favourites at the moment are a matching pair of Alice in Wonderland pyjamas from primark which I adore so much!
Where are your favourite places to buy clothes?
Where to begin! Primark is always good, New Look is also fabulous, Zara is always good for those more expensive pieces that you know you will wear over and over, like my coat and H and M usually have a nice jumper or two. But if I am honest, Boohoo is a big favourite because you can always find clothes there. They have such a great range of clothes!
How often do you buy clothes?
I get a clothing allowance twice a year, October and April, and then if I need extra things, usually in the sales after Christmas, before holidays, after my birthday (April) and just before beginning a new academic year!
What specific items of clothing do you hate shopping for?
I love shopping and there are no specific clothes that I hate buying for it is just the whole process because I hate going into changing rooms because it is so much effort. If I had to choose one though, jeans, because they take forever to choose and try-on.
Are there any clothes or styles that you avoid?
I hate to say it but there are a few. I have never delved into the world of bootleg or straight jeans because although they look amazing on some people. they never used to look that good on my and I am way more of a skinny jeans kind of girl. Also, maxi dresses have never particularly suited me, not because of the length but more because I don't have much of a bust so it looks a bit to bin bag-like on me! Also, not intentionally, but bomber jackets. I haven't owned or ever tried one on so I may be wrong, but I have just never seen one that reflected me
Comfort or Style?
Comfort, by far - If it is cold outside, I will replan my outfit so I am warm and it goes okay under my coat so I don't wear my longer cardigans which is a same, but it saves me from freezing.
Comfort, by far - If it is cold outside, I will replan my outfit so I am warm and it goes okay under my coat so I don't wear my longer cardigans which is a same, but it saves me from freezing.
If there anything you’ve bought that friends or family
turned their noses up at?
I don't think that there is any particluar piece of clothing. You always get the jokes about what you're wearing but nothing that meant people turn their nose up at me.
I don't think that there is any particluar piece of clothing. You always get the jokes about what you're wearing but nothing that meant people turn their nose up at me.
Wednesday, 1 February 2017 / Favourites, Friends, Monthly, Sum-up, Wednesday
January Sum-Up 2017
Although this is a new blog, I think that I will still sum up every month as much as I can because it is a nice round-off, isn't it?
Favourite Part?
This month started with a celebration with some of the most amazing friends (not all of them but quite a few of my very favourites) and I loved it. Apart from that, my month hasn't been that busy. Well, in terms of the social side of my life. The college side has been busier than ever and I am having a bit of trouble carrying it all on my back.
I have spent many days with good friends, but I can't record them all, so I will just leave a few pictures of my favourite moments, not necessarily big moments, but the best ones.
Books I have read?
I finished reading Zoe Sugg's book, Girl Online Going Solo in 2 days, which was quite impressive and a good way to start the year. However, I then have done rather downhill, still halfway through reading Sean Smith's biography of Adele, which is so interesting but is taking a while to get through!
Favourite Music?
It has to be the La La Land soundtrack, but also the Hamilton Soundtrack, as always. Also, I found a playlist of all of Dodie's music and I have listened to that a lot as well! The La La Land soundtrack is so upbeat and my favourites have to be 'Someone in the Crowd' and 'Another Day of Sun', as well as the favourite song 'City of Stars'. I went to see La La Land and cried from the minute it began, even though it was the happiest of songs!
Something I have learned?
I rely on people much more than I thought and when they aren't there, I fall over. They are the ones that pick me up.
What is happening next month?
Nothing much. I am going away during our half term to the Lake District which should be good but apart from that, wallowing on my sorrows on Valentine's Day and working. I am always working.
Favourite Video?
This prestigious award has to go to Luke Cutforth for his video 'Becoming the New Emoji'. Genuinely, I cried all the way through, especially on the Queen's guard emoji! Honestly, it has been the funniest video I have watched all month!
Anything else?
I might have mentioned that I gave up coffee for the month and I did it! I didn't drink any through the month and now I feel like I can go back to drinking maybe one cup a week? Is that allowed?
Favourite Part?
This month started with a celebration with some of the most amazing friends (not all of them but quite a few of my very favourites) and I loved it. Apart from that, my month hasn't been that busy. Well, in terms of the social side of my life. The college side has been busier than ever and I am having a bit of trouble carrying it all on my back.
I have spent many days with good friends, but I can't record them all, so I will just leave a few pictures of my favourite moments, not necessarily big moments, but the best ones.
Books I have read?
I finished reading Zoe Sugg's book, Girl Online Going Solo in 2 days, which was quite impressive and a good way to start the year. However, I then have done rather downhill, still halfway through reading Sean Smith's biography of Adele, which is so interesting but is taking a while to get through!
Favourite Music?
It has to be the La La Land soundtrack, but also the Hamilton Soundtrack, as always. Also, I found a playlist of all of Dodie's music and I have listened to that a lot as well! The La La Land soundtrack is so upbeat and my favourites have to be 'Someone in the Crowd' and 'Another Day of Sun', as well as the favourite song 'City of Stars'. I went to see La La Land and cried from the minute it began, even though it was the happiest of songs!
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| Credit |
Something I have learned?
I rely on people much more than I thought and when they aren't there, I fall over. They are the ones that pick me up.
What is happening next month?
Nothing much. I am going away during our half term to the Lake District which should be good but apart from that, wallowing on my sorrows on Valentine's Day and working. I am always working.
This prestigious award has to go to Luke Cutforth for his video 'Becoming the New Emoji'. Genuinely, I cried all the way through, especially on the Queen's guard emoji! Honestly, it has been the funniest video I have watched all month!
Anything else?
I might have mentioned that I gave up coffee for the month and I did it! I didn't drink any through the month and now I feel like I can go back to drinking maybe one cup a week? Is that allowed?
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