Friday 30 June 2017 / Favourites
A playlist for my down moments
1. Dodie Clark - Adored by Him
2. Bastille - Oblivion
3. Frances - Grow
4. ALMA - Chasing Highs (acoustic)
5. Billie Marten - Bird
6. Lord Huron - The Night We Met
Have Fun <3
Sunday 14 May 2017 / Confidence, Fashion, Poems, Sunday
Compared.
New clothes bought,
Put them on,
Doesn't fit as well,
As it did on the model.
The top is creased,
Bottom too short,
Sticks to your leg.
Stare at the model,
With the perfect skin
And the 'correct' figure,
Beach body ready,
Unlike me.
Take off the clothes,
Chuck them down,
Go to your wardrobe,
And find your favourite
dress that you have
always had.
Put it on and feel
Like no one could
Ever touch you,
For you are so powerful
With your beauty and
Your perfect figure and
Beach Body.
Curvy. Slim. 'Plus sized'.
Your own.
Your own figure.
Your own person.
Your own beach body.
Your own perfect.
Your own. Be proud.
Love it.
It's the only on you have.
Wednesday 10 May 2017 / Clothes, Dia, Fashion, Wednesday
3 Ways To Rock A Yellow Coat // Unpaid Ad
I have never been a particularly bold person. Jeans and a t-shirt are my go to outfit and I use makeup to make it look better. However, lately, I bought a yellow coat from Regatta. It is my favorite piece of clothing and I wear it everywhere. It is quite baggy and hides a bit of your figure, but not a lot and also, it's nice when you take it off because it is saying "here is the rest of my lovely outfit"! Here are some ways I wear my yellow coat whilst trying to make my outfit a bit bold.
Dungarees, Concert T-shirt, and Glasses
Recently, I got some new glasses, which make me feel slightly vogue and very intelligent. Wearing them tops off a look, even if they are meant for reading! I like to wear a baggy concert t-shirt, like my 'The 1975' shirt, with some dungarees, which are not too tight and just the right size to walk around college in. They are shorts but do not show too much leg and also show a bit of my figure. With a yellow coat on, it makes me feel very indie, even though I am definitely not indie!
I bought a dress off of Boohoo a few years ago and it still fits just about. It is tight at the top and flows out into a skater skirt. This could be worn with a long cardigan or, as I say, my yellow coat. It is burgundy and goes well with the yellow. As it is still a little bit chilly, I style it with either a hoodie or my Hollister cardigan which is lovely and I got it from a charity shop!
Skinny top, Jeans and a Hoodie
Although the hoodie is baggier, the top tucked into jeans shows my figure well and as the jeans are high waisted jeans, the top tucks well into it. You can wear brown Chelsea boots with this or I like to wear my new Adidas Gazelles with the jeans rolled up.
I hope you liked this slightly different post. The idea and post was thought up by myself, I have just been prompted to make a fashion type post by the company. I enjoyed writing this one, so I hope you enjoyed!
Sunday 30 April 2017 / Health, Poems, Sunday, Thoughts
Fake Abyss
Take my word for it
For being stuck in the
Middle of somewhere
That you cannot find the way
Out of and the light switch
Is heart and soul destroying
And you almost don't want to get
back up,
Off that stool that you have been
sat on for too long
You want it to crack and for you to
Fall
Into whatever is below you
In this floating, dangerous abyss
When you speak to me of the
things that don't exist,
Do not try and relate yourself to
That particular situation
But help the one that you say
You love
That is worth more
Than relating
When you are really faking
It is worth more
Than any flowers, chocolate
or jewellery
Words sink in
Objects don't
So don't try and enter the hole
When you think you know
Where the switch is
For if you find it before I,
You are lucky
Yet not necessarily the same
Not the same situation
Not the same place
You are in a fake abyss
A pleasant place
That you can control
For many, there is not control
------
Interpret this however you want. You can probably see what I am talking about but relate it to your situation. As it says, everyone is different.
Friday 14 April 2017 / Love, Poems
Broken // A Poem
Shattered into a million pieces,
A heart once loved,
Now crumbling under the pressure
Of a thousand tiny hands
As it tries to rebuild itself,
The devastation left around it,
Will take months to clear
And years to forget
If it ever forgets,
If it ever repairs,
It will never be loved
By the one you want
Again
 |
| Credit |
Monday 3 April 2017 / Birthday, Goals, Lists, Love, Thoughts, Young
17 Things I have Learned // 17th Birthday Post
My 17th birthday has to lead me to think about what I have learned over the years. It has been quite an exciting journey with endless lessons and emotions. One of my favourite YouTubers, Fabulous Hannah, did something like this for her 18th birthday, called '18 things I have learned in 18 years' and she did the most beautiful video of what she had learned, which did make me cry. I thought it was the most beautiful idea so I thought, for my 17th birthday, I would attempt something similar.
1. Your family is so important
Throughout my years, I have learned that my family has done everything for me. They got me into school, they take me to my music exams, interviews, parent's evenings, to my friend's houses, parties and to go shopping. They buy me clothes, food, they gave me a home. They bought my flute and my flute lessons, piano lessons and took me to concert after concert, which they would sit through whilst I was performing. They loved me whatever and supported me whenever I needed it.
2. Taking chances will sometimes pay off better than you think
At the start of this academic year, I started my a-levels and one of those was law. I had never done law before and it was very much my wildcard a level, as I didn't know what else to take. I wasn't particularly optimistic about it but knew I would probably drop it at the end of the year anyway, so that was fine. However, I have absolutely loved it and have decided to keep it on for another year. It has also given me options to go off on a different route that I didn't think about before, which is great! Sometimes, taking chances will lead you to better places than if you stayed behind the line and didn't take the risks.
3. Being the 'mother' of a group isn't a bad thing
I seem to have become the mother of my group of friends, but I don't see that as a bad thing at all. Although I know that I am a teenager with a 30-year-old's thought track, it is nice to know that people think that I am always going to be the person who brings things back together.
4. Tea repairs everything
It doesn't matter what mood I am in, what state of mind I am in or what I am thinking, tea always makes everything better. Sad? Have a cup of tea. Happy? Have a cup of tea. Ill? Hot? Cold? There is not a problem where tea is not the solution.
5. I am very annoying to be around at times
I have a mood that I go into where I get very hyper, very unintentionally. I feel like I am floating on clouds but I know I am annoying to others and I annoy myself because of it. I need to stop.
6. Sometimes, you just need to breathe
This might seem like a bit of a weird one, but after the past year, turning 17 etc, I have realised that sometimes you just need to take a step away from things and breathe. I do a little routine where, if I know I feel anxious or stressed, I will breathe in for 4, hold for 7 and breathe out for 8. I know this is recommended everywhere but it really works.
7. You don't wear makeup to impress anyone other than yourself
I am an avid makeup lover. I will try new eye looks, a different type of contour or lip colour or a different foundation any day. But many people use makeup as a way to impress people. For compliments. Now I am not saying that compliments are bad things, because who doesn't love being complimented on how nice your eyeshadow looks, but wearing makeup in order to get compliments is not something I do. I wear makeup because I like experimenting and I wear makeup because it makes me feel good about myself. I will happily go out without makeup on, but I like to change things up and I don't think anyone should be shouted out for wearing 'too much makeup'. There are some times where you wonder whether that was the best choice of colour foundation or something like that, but no one should be prevented from wearing what they want. If they like what they are wearing, then they should wear it with pride.
8. Acting your age is boring
When people tell me to grow up or act my age, I automatically laugh because realistically, being 16/17 is rubbish. You have no free time, when you do have free time it is because you're procrastinating, you have to think about things like universities and UCAS points, you have endless mocks and exams and you keep getting spots. so when you're offered the chance to do something that will make you feel a bit younger again, I will always leap at that chance! And by the way, unicorns do exist, I am sure of it.
9. If someone doesn't care about you, they aren't worth it
If you have someone who makes you feel so terrible and so horrible about yourself, you need to get rid of them. They aren't worth it, because you will only go home crying.
10. To Build a Home by The Cinematic Orchestra will always make me cry
Whatever mood I am in, I will always cry at this song. It has always been a special song to me and sometimes, crying at a song is the best solution to emptying your thoughts.
11. Questioning things is better than not
If you don't understand something or you want to know something, ask the questions. Don't give up or not ask these questions because then you will never know what you want to know. Knowledge is your greatest power.
12. I cannot help going red faced
I hate it. It is my worst feature of myself and I wish I could prevent it. It doesn't matter the situation, it doesn't matter whether I am embarrassed or having a laugh or talking to someone, my face will just go really red. And I cannot stop it. This isn't a lesson for me, but those who know me. I cannot help it and you need to deal with it.
13. I cannot do flat lays
Flat lays are not my forte. I am much more of a horizon, sky picture kind of person. I think I should probably stick to that.
14. Too much tomato ketchup on your chips is a killer
If you have had this before, you will feel my pain. You get a massive dollop of ketchup on your chip and then you regret it as soon as you put it in your mouth, as your taste buds are on fire and your eyes start running. Terrible, terrible mistake.
15. Meryl Streep is the best actor around
You may disagree, yet this is my very strong-minded opinion. If you don't follow me on any social media, firstly, why not? And secondly, you will know that Meryl Streep is my favourite person ever and that is why I make this point. She is an idol for me, not to be an actor, but to be confident and take every day in your stride. My favourite films with her in? Where to begin! Devil Wears Prada, Mamma Mia, It's Complicated and more! I could go on for hours, but I will save you, don't worry.
16. If I put my mind to it, I can do it
This year I got my GCSE results, which were 5 Cs, 5 Bs and 1 A. For many that will look terrible, but for me, who finds exams extremely pressuring and hard to deal with, I was very very pleased with those results. Also, I did my recital for my A Level music and I got a B, which I thought was incredible since I am not good at solo performing. If I think about doing these things, I can usually do it and do it well to the standard at which I want it to be.
17. My voice is my weapon
Your voice can do anything you want it to, speak your opinion and conquer a nation. Don't hide it, let it out because more often than not, people want to hear what you have to say. And if they don't, they are not worth it, I promise.
1. Your family is so important
Throughout my years, I have learned that my family has done everything for me. They got me into school, they take me to my music exams, interviews, parent's evenings, to my friend's houses, parties and to go shopping. They buy me clothes, food, they gave me a home. They bought my flute and my flute lessons, piano lessons and took me to concert after concert, which they would sit through whilst I was performing. They loved me whatever and supported me whenever I needed it.
2. Taking chances will sometimes pay off better than you think
At the start of this academic year, I started my a-levels and one of those was law. I had never done law before and it was very much my wildcard a level, as I didn't know what else to take. I wasn't particularly optimistic about it but knew I would probably drop it at the end of the year anyway, so that was fine. However, I have absolutely loved it and have decided to keep it on for another year. It has also given me options to go off on a different route that I didn't think about before, which is great! Sometimes, taking chances will lead you to better places than if you stayed behind the line and didn't take the risks.
3. Being the 'mother' of a group isn't a bad thing
I seem to have become the mother of my group of friends, but I don't see that as a bad thing at all. Although I know that I am a teenager with a 30-year-old's thought track, it is nice to know that people think that I am always going to be the person who brings things back together.
4. Tea repairs everything
It doesn't matter what mood I am in, what state of mind I am in or what I am thinking, tea always makes everything better. Sad? Have a cup of tea. Happy? Have a cup of tea. Ill? Hot? Cold? There is not a problem where tea is not the solution.
 |
| Creds to ZODIAC TEA on Tumblr |
5. I am very annoying to be around at times
I have a mood that I go into where I get very hyper, very unintentionally. I feel like I am floating on clouds but I know I am annoying to others and I annoy myself because of it. I need to stop.
6. Sometimes, you just need to breathe
This might seem like a bit of a weird one, but after the past year, turning 17 etc, I have realised that sometimes you just need to take a step away from things and breathe. I do a little routine where, if I know I feel anxious or stressed, I will breathe in for 4, hold for 7 and breathe out for 8. I know this is recommended everywhere but it really works.
7. You don't wear makeup to impress anyone other than yourself
I am an avid makeup lover. I will try new eye looks, a different type of contour or lip colour or a different foundation any day. But many people use makeup as a way to impress people. For compliments. Now I am not saying that compliments are bad things, because who doesn't love being complimented on how nice your eyeshadow looks, but wearing makeup in order to get compliments is not something I do. I wear makeup because I like experimenting and I wear makeup because it makes me feel good about myself. I will happily go out without makeup on, but I like to change things up and I don't think anyone should be shouted out for wearing 'too much makeup'. There are some times where you wonder whether that was the best choice of colour foundation or something like that, but no one should be prevented from wearing what they want. If they like what they are wearing, then they should wear it with pride.
8. Acting your age is boring
When people tell me to grow up or act my age, I automatically laugh because realistically, being 16/17 is rubbish. You have no free time, when you do have free time it is because you're procrastinating, you have to think about things like universities and UCAS points, you have endless mocks and exams and you keep getting spots. so when you're offered the chance to do something that will make you feel a bit younger again, I will always leap at that chance! And by the way, unicorns do exist, I am sure of it.
9. If someone doesn't care about you, they aren't worth it
If you have someone who makes you feel so terrible and so horrible about yourself, you need to get rid of them. They aren't worth it, because you will only go home crying.
10. To Build a Home by The Cinematic Orchestra will always make me cry
Whatever mood I am in, I will always cry at this song. It has always been a special song to me and sometimes, crying at a song is the best solution to emptying your thoughts.
11. Questioning things is better than not
If you don't understand something or you want to know something, ask the questions. Don't give up or not ask these questions because then you will never know what you want to know. Knowledge is your greatest power.
12. I cannot help going red faced
I hate it. It is my worst feature of myself and I wish I could prevent it. It doesn't matter the situation, it doesn't matter whether I am embarrassed or having a laugh or talking to someone, my face will just go really red. And I cannot stop it. This isn't a lesson for me, but those who know me. I cannot help it and you need to deal with it.
13. I cannot do flat lays
Flat lays are not my forte. I am much more of a horizon, sky picture kind of person. I think I should probably stick to that.
 |
| Creds to @omundodejess on Instagram |
14. Too much tomato ketchup on your chips is a killer
If you have had this before, you will feel my pain. You get a massive dollop of ketchup on your chip and then you regret it as soon as you put it in your mouth, as your taste buds are on fire and your eyes start running. Terrible, terrible mistake.
15. Meryl Streep is the best actor around
You may disagree, yet this is my very strong-minded opinion. If you don't follow me on any social media, firstly, why not? And secondly, you will know that Meryl Streep is my favourite person ever and that is why I make this point. She is an idol for me, not to be an actor, but to be confident and take every day in your stride. My favourite films with her in? Where to begin! Devil Wears Prada, Mamma Mia, It's Complicated and more! I could go on for hours, but I will save you, don't worry.
16. If I put my mind to it, I can do it
This year I got my GCSE results, which were 5 Cs, 5 Bs and 1 A. For many that will look terrible, but for me, who finds exams extremely pressuring and hard to deal with, I was very very pleased with those results. Also, I did my recital for my A Level music and I got a B, which I thought was incredible since I am not good at solo performing. If I think about doing these things, I can usually do it and do it well to the standard at which I want it to be.
17. My voice is my weapon
Your voice can do anything you want it to, speak your opinion and conquer a nation. Don't hide it, let it out because more often than not, people want to hear what you have to say. And if they don't, they are not worth it, I promise.
Thursday 23 March 2017 / Anxiety, Health, Thoughts
The Background Behind The Poem 'My Anxiety'
This is something a bit new but I wanted to go into a bit more depth about a recent poem that I posted on this blog. If you haven't read it, it is called 'My Anxiety' and you can read it here.
I am not quite sure where to begin really. It is a little bit hard for me to write this because I know I won't be able to put everything onto paper. But I will get to the point. Right.
I started feeling very sick about April 2016, so not that long ago. It was the day before my birthday and I was revising every day for my GCSEs. I had been on holiday for the week and it was the last day before we went home. We were sat in the restaurant, where I had the most lovely meal, when I felt very very hot. I didn't know what was happening, so I went to the loo. I breathed for a bit and then thought it would be okay. I still felt a bit sick but I thought it was a phase. I went back to the table and 5 minutes later I felt very hot and sick again, so I went outside for some air. Again, I felt okay to go back in, where I denied pudding (not something that usually happens!). Then it happened again, but worse. I ran outside, where I thought I was going to throw up, but I didn't. I sat down and I cried because I had no idea what was happening. I felt so horrible and tense and hot and sick and I thought I was going to die. We left quickly and drove back to our holiday cottage, where I went to bed and then woke up the next day, feeling fine. I don't think I have told very many people about this, if anyone other than my family. I cannot remember exactly though.
I then felt very sick quite a few times, where I would be lying in bed and suddenly get very hot, or sat watching TV and have to go and have a glass of water and calm down. I just didn't know what was happening.
I hadn't been educated in mental health problems, so this wasn't something I had thought about really. I thought it was an infection or something. But after the summer, about 7 months later, I went to the doctor, after it calmed down for a bit but getting worse again when I restarted college. I then reflected on how I had been feeling and did a bit of research. I pinpointed anxiety, as it seemed to include quite a few things that I had experienced in the symptoms.
I told my mum what I thought it was a couple of days later. She said she had thought about it too and agreed of me. We said we would see how it went and then maybe look at college counselling if necessary. I haven't been to the counsellor as I don't think I need them at the moment, but it is a bit of a waiting game, to be honest.
I haven't been formally diagnosed, but after researching a lot, I am certain this is it. Stress is the main cause of it all and as I am coming up to doing my exams, I am expecting it to get worse again. However, my friends know and are able to support me, which I am ever-grateful for.
This is just a bit of what happens in my head everyday, but I have only ever told a handful of my friends all of what is on this post. But it needs to be recognised more. We need to be educated in this. One in six people have experienced a mental health problem in the past week. One in four people have a mental health problem. It needs to be recognised and time and money need to be spent on it.
I am not quite sure where to begin really. It is a little bit hard for me to write this because I know I won't be able to put everything onto paper. But I will get to the point. Right.
I started feeling very sick about April 2016, so not that long ago. It was the day before my birthday and I was revising every day for my GCSEs. I had been on holiday for the week and it was the last day before we went home. We were sat in the restaurant, where I had the most lovely meal, when I felt very very hot. I didn't know what was happening, so I went to the loo. I breathed for a bit and then thought it would be okay. I still felt a bit sick but I thought it was a phase. I went back to the table and 5 minutes later I felt very hot and sick again, so I went outside for some air. Again, I felt okay to go back in, where I denied pudding (not something that usually happens!). Then it happened again, but worse. I ran outside, where I thought I was going to throw up, but I didn't. I sat down and I cried because I had no idea what was happening. I felt so horrible and tense and hot and sick and I thought I was going to die. We left quickly and drove back to our holiday cottage, where I went to bed and then woke up the next day, feeling fine. I don't think I have told very many people about this, if anyone other than my family. I cannot remember exactly though.
I then felt very sick quite a few times, where I would be lying in bed and suddenly get very hot, or sat watching TV and have to go and have a glass of water and calm down. I just didn't know what was happening.
I hadn't been educated in mental health problems, so this wasn't something I had thought about really. I thought it was an infection or something. But after the summer, about 7 months later, I went to the doctor, after it calmed down for a bit but getting worse again when I restarted college. I then reflected on how I had been feeling and did a bit of research. I pinpointed anxiety, as it seemed to include quite a few things that I had experienced in the symptoms.
I told my mum what I thought it was a couple of days later. She said she had thought about it too and agreed of me. We said we would see how it went and then maybe look at college counselling if necessary. I haven't been to the counsellor as I don't think I need them at the moment, but it is a bit of a waiting game, to be honest.
I haven't been formally diagnosed, but after researching a lot, I am certain this is it. Stress is the main cause of it all and as I am coming up to doing my exams, I am expecting it to get worse again. However, my friends know and are able to support me, which I am ever-grateful for.
This is just a bit of what happens in my head everyday, but I have only ever told a handful of my friends all of what is on this post. But it needs to be recognised more. We need to be educated in this. One in six people have experienced a mental health problem in the past week. One in four people have a mental health problem. It needs to be recognised and time and money need to be spent on it.
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